The Grummy Files

Where we Started, and Where We'll End

2009-01-02T22:32:00.003-05:00

As Good as it Gets
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

This little blog all started as a way of keeping my mom updated on the antics of a newborn Sophie, almost three years ago. Today, John and I decided that in light of our two children who conspire to keep me from blogging as often as I'd like, we'd consolidate the Grummy Files and the first blog we started for ourselves. From now on we'll be blogging about the kids on Rudderless. For simplicity's sake!

I also want to print this blog in a big old book so one day I can comb through it and relive the early days of Sophie (and Rosy). To do that, I needed to have a last page. Six months into Rosy's life, and with the arrival of 2009, the time seems ripe. All of the content will remain here indefinitely, but to see us grow (and Rosy is due another 18 month-birthday newsletters) and read about our chaos, update your bookmarks to Rudderless. See you there- frequently, we hope!

Six Months

2009-01-02T21:04:00.002-05:00

Dear Roo,

Holy unbelievable, you're six months old. And almost a week. Time is moving in warp speed now. To watch someone grow and change so quickly is a little bit mind-blowing. Good gravy.

But what a sea change from three or four months ago. What a delicious, sweet, charming little imp you've become. Smiles for everyone and everything. Big open-mouth kisses and squeals. Grown-up belly laughs when we tickle you. It's like you radiate joy. A cliche, I know, but it couldn't be more true.

This month has been all about playing. You sit up relatively well, too engaged with the world around you to be bothered with such details as balance and composure. You reach and grab like an octopus, your tiny fingers grasping for that one.last.inch . . . Once an object has been retrieved it is brought to the mouth, tasted, pondered, flipped over, banged on, banged on the ground, held aloft, stretched, discussed, then tossed aside. Repeat. Over and over again. You have learned to dig for things in your basket of toys. You throw them off the highchair tray. The funniest mode of play is on the kitchen counter in the Bumbo, where you will dislodge the coffee pot and toss it to the ground, while swinging its cord. You have broken Pyrex dishes I was SURE were out of reach. You explore the dish drainer with relentless zeal. You love bread bags and chip packages. Anything crinkly and inherently unsafe.

My little scientist. Observing, assessing. Learning. You are inches from crawling. The rear end has been figured out. Your tiny knees tuck up under you and push, but your front half hasn't figured out how to locomote. So it results in this slow slide to one side, where you prop yourself up on elbows like a model in a magazine shoot. So goshdarn funny.

You are my cherub in the sling, wrapped up every night after your sister goes upstairs. We pick up and play a bit, then walk slowly to sleep, your fuzzy blonde head on my chest. It is the moment I want to bottle up and revisit ten, fifteen years from now. It is the essence of motherhood.

It is perfect, just like you.

Happy half birthday my littlest girl. I am so lucky to have you.

2009-01-01T23:22:00.003-05:00

Happy New Year! 2009. Wow.
I owe Rosy a six-month letter, speaking of years. HALF a year??? That flew by. Six months of a whole lot of work and some very big changes. I know there was some fun in the mix. But it flew by, Seriously.

We had a great time with the Landrums in Atlanta and Alabama. The girls were dreams on the plane. Minor meltdowns from Sophie of all people, who has been a bit out of sorts, super-meotional lately. I'll chock it up to the holidays and transitions and not fully understanding all of it. But it's crazy-making. I am looking forward to getting back into a routine and hoping her feet hit the ground again soon. She is three in ten days!! She is having four friends to a tiny tea party and apparently brown is the theme- brown cupcakes, brown sprinkles, brown dress. Huh? She has been singing and dancing up a storm. Just when I think her imagination has no room to grow, it does. A whole other door opens and out comes operetta and Broadway and more drama.

Rosy is simply loveable these days. As cute and as sweet as the day is long. She floats my boat. John's too. She is a cherub. And about to crawl. Hold onto your horses.

More tomorrow, I swear. And lots more pics on Flickr!

Amidst it All

2008-12-25T09:50:00.004-05:00

Amidst it All
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Happy Christmas!

Sophie loved the whole thing. This on the heels of a pretty out-of-sorts Christmas Eve (thank you, two top molars coming in at once). We did manage a nice walk and some time on the big-girl swings, a milestone she accomplished this week. Dinner was pasta and whining. Even driving around looking at lights wasn't making her happy. Alas . . .

She thought Santa would still be here when she woke up.
Enamored of a small squishy chameleon and a fabulous doctor kit. She also got a beautiful tutu, puzzle, ant farm, games, bubble blower and more (much more). Rosy got a huge cow pillow, a wooden bus and rainbow stacker, a Skwish, binkies, and a sippy cup.
I love all my kitchen ware- thanks Mom!
We just finished cinnamon rolls and soon will be embarking on feast preparations with our friends Diana, Brain, Tabitha and Johnathan.
Tomorrow we're off to Atlanta for a few days with the extended fam.
See you when we get back- more pics on Flickr.

Eating Tabitha

2008-12-20T20:21:00.002-05:00

Eating Tabitha
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Rosy still won't sleep in the evening. Crazy-making, this new schedule. But she gave me enough time to get two new videos up:

Sophie's dance show.
and Rosy @ 5 Months.

Enjoy, grandparents!
ps- Sophie is working on her third of four new molars. Hallelujah, there will be a Christmas! Let's hope Santa brings us the last one so grumpy, clingy girl can be done with this.

2008-12-18T21:35:00.002-05:00

Sophie is having a hard time playing by herself recently. It's taking quite a bit of encouragement to get her out from underfoot and onto a game of her own (which are invariably awesome and creative). The other day she resorted to playing with her sister. Oh my it was fun. For three minutes. But still, what a start.

Seeing them together reminds me of how much Zoo is taking in . She diligently copies our interactions with Rosy. When we coo and ahh and tickle and laugh with her, Sophie does the same. Something is working- she praises Rosy's cute toes and her tiny ears. She brings her toys when they're on the floor together. The resentment comes and goes, but there is also acceptance, and a smidgen of pride. It's an awfully sweet Christmas present.

Speaking of which, Sophie's first Christmas good deed is documented on the big blog. We took rawhide candy canes to the local animal shelter. It was too loud to distribute them individually, but the dogs in need will have a treat, thanks to Sophie.

Playing

2008-12-16T23:15:00.001-05:00

Playing
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Sophie in her own world. As per usual.

"Imagination is everything."
She may not grow up to be Albert Einstein (who said that, btw), but I know she will grow up empowered to think outside the box. I can't wait to see what her childhood theatrics become. More theater? Quantum mechanics? Mountain climbing? I am so happy we've had the time and space to let her think and play so freely these three years.

Today she played with a bedsheet for most of the afternoon. It was a "harvest ghost." Huh? She also played Tom Kitten with her kangaroo, giraffe, and dinosaur. A toy dinosaur pretending to be a kitten. There must be a master's thesis in there somewhere.

Today we saw Santa at the library. There was initial shock and then apprehension. She wondered where the candy canes were. At one point I thought of bailing out completely, but I wanted her first impression to be a good one. We rallied through the tears and went back in, where there were goodie bags with **candy canes** poking out of the top! All was forgiven. Like magic, Santa had made the candy canes appear. She even said goodbye to him (through licks of her candy, bites of cookie and cake) when he went off "to see the other kids." I have no idea how much she comprehends, but quite frankly it's not worth comprehending if it ain't fun. Thank goodness we salvaged some fun.

In other news, Rosy has given up sleep. I have had perhaps ten minutes to myself this evening and in the last few days. Sorry to be absent on the blog, but until she figures out that evenings are not for play, this is how it will be . . .

Off she goes

2008-12-11T20:22:00.001-05:00

Off she goes
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

The girls are fast-a-changin.'
Sophie walks up and down stairs completely unassisted, holding on to the rail when she needs to, and letting go when she doesn't need to.
That's a big deal when your inseam is just over a foot.
She has also given up the tiny potty. She prefers to climb up to the toilet and use the little potty as a footstool.

Meanwhile, Rosy somehow traverses entire rooms. How, I have no idea.
She also LOVES to eat and sits at the table with us at dinnertime, watching me expectantly, like, "And where is mine?" It took her all of three feedings to figure that one out.

Smart cookies.

Making Dinner

2008-12-10T20:30:00.001-05:00

Making Dinner
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

The grandparents were here and even then, I didn't find time to blog. I'm awful. I think I'm just out of a habit, and getting back is feeling harder and harder. Just know we're still here and doing well. We've settled into a nice little routine with Rosy's sleep and our daily doings. We are excited to have Santa come to the Tropics. We are counting down to Sophie's birthday. My mother taught her to hold three fingers up. Pretty fabulous. She's a precious dear thing, enormously loving, and sometimes crippled by anxieties that I assume are a by-product of age and stage. I can barely imagine what it must feel like to understand so much about your world, and yet realize how small you are and how much you don't know. How powerless you are. She's becoming an individual, rapidly, and I think fear must come with the territory. We try our best to scaffold her up and reinforce how remarkable she is. That's about all we can do.

Rosy is bubbly and funny and moving all over, without being able to go far. She inches and log-rolls and reaches for anything and everything. She spends an enormous amount of time tied to me, not quite ready to be far from the comfort zone. But as John would say, every day is better. Every day is good. That's about all we can ask for after the few months of baby BUDS Training she put us through. Tonight Sophie even used her as a prop in her doctor game, and fed her sweet potatoes. There is some love there, slowly simmering to the surface.

Check Flickr. Sign in to see us. And if I'm not here as frequently as I used to be, know it's just a phase. I must say that every day. It's just a phase. I'll grow out of it.

Camping Elf

2008-12-05T08:14:00.001-05:00

Camping Elf
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

We're back!
Still smelling of campfires, now reveling in the Grandparent's company.
The girls did wonderfully in the woodss.
Better than I ever could have expected.
It was nice to get out of our routines and bundle up for a few days. We roasted marshmallows, collected sticks, played blanace beam on logs, listened to birds. We spent far too much time int he car, but it was worth it to be away for a few days. Sophie is already planning our next adventure, complete with Goonie, JoePop, and a red and yellow tent. There are more pics on Flickr, sign in to see to the very best of them (or send me an email and I'll send a link).

Five Months

2008-11-30T21:57:00.001-05:00

In the Sling
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Dear Rosy,

On Thanksgiving Day you turned five months old. Five months! The shenanigans! Your growing up is bittersweet, but I will say that given the opportunity to replay the past five months, I would run in the opposite direction. I love the place where we've arrived. I love the snuggling and the sweetness. I love where we are headed.

Who are you at five months? You are almost sitting. The problem is not the control and coordination, it's your undying need to reach objects all around you. You don't sit still long enough to sit. Your little hands are like backhoes, grasping for anything and everything all day long. An endless game of bobbing for apples. It is precious and occasionally a bit dangerous. You ate the New York Times on Thanksgving. You've knocked pots off the counter. You try to get my coffee mugs. Stubborn and curious. Just like your daddy.

As your teeth come in, you need a whole lot of me. Basically you rotate through my arsenal of slings all day long. I'd complain if I didn't secretly love the warmth of your fuzzy head under my nose, and when you give up on being awake and burrow your nose into my chest, like magic. These days are so short-lived. I am soaking you in and loving every little bit.

You pulled your sister's hair last week. That was grand. You love to swing and spin in the Johnny Jump. You ride in the stroller peacefully, for the most part. You even slept in it twice this weekend!
You love people who engage you. You listen to stories and try to grab the book from me, which infuriates Sophie. You watch tv. You spend the dinner hour launching toys from your booster. Unlike Sophie at this age, you don't seem particularly interested in our eating, but only because you're studying the nuances of the Haba rattle construction.

Oh precious girl. You are so funny. Your smiles light up the room. Your big wide open mouth kisses are a reason to live. The other day I caught Sophie very gently rubbing your fuzzy head. There is a lot of love for this Rose. Your dad says you've wrapped him around your little finger. This has been a month of falling in love with the person you'll eventually be. Rosy is emerging. More every day.

To think, last Thanksgiving I hadn't even met the midwife. This year I had you as my sous chef. What a remarkable gift.

Thank you for being my constant companion,
love
mama

2008-11-30T21:31:00.002-05:00

A new era has dawned here at the Grummy Files. I've decided to upgrade our privacy settings on Flickr, making our photos viewable only to friends and family. We've been getting some inquiries from strange folks wanting to use Sophie's pictures, and while it may all be innocent and innocuous, it's also time to start being a bit less public with her life in general. The blog won't change- Blogger has made it easy to upload directly to the site. But to get the full view on Flickr, create an account and sign in, add ellenjohnrubicon as a contact, we will reciprocate and like magic, all of our goodies will be on your screen.

Any questions? Please email me. There may be some holes in the archives as I start weeding through archived pics, but who reads them anyway? My project for 2009 is to get them all in printed form.

We're off to the woods for three days. We'll be back on Wednesday with stories to tell.

2008-11-29T21:58:00.001-05:00

Randomess:

I was going to write Rosy's five-month letter but I think I'm too tired to say all I want to say. Which is love love love you and all your smiles and big open-mouth kisses you give me. I feel the love, Rosy. I love you back.

We had a nice trip to the playground today wherein Rosy actually fell asleep in the stroller en route. Bliss. Sophie and I played with 17 tiny animals and she used little leaves and twigs and rocks to build them an entire house. I was quite proud of her wild imagination. She even helped clean up. Things were going swimmingly until Rosy had a bizarre flip-out over not wanting to eat and wanting to eat (hello, teething). Sophie climbed to the top of the slide and then refused to go down it, saying she was "too little." Then she wouldn't come down the stairs because there were people at the bottom. Aaack. Bite me, irrational fears. From nice to nonsense in a nanosecond.

We recovered. We did a puzzle, ate Cream of Wheat and went to bed. She kept finding things like pencils and crayons, saying, "I'm putting this in my studio." After my heart, this one.

Trouble

2008-11-28T20:22:00.003-05:00

Yesterday Sophie was watching a DVD and I had Rosy in the Bumbo next to her, grasping for things to put in her mouth (I've decided Rosy's life at this stage is like an endless game of bobbing for apples. Blind grasping, always out of reach). We heard Sophie start crying in earnest . . . what could possibly be wrong? "ROsy's pulling my haaaaiiiirrrrr!!!!" I know it hurt because I am woken up by the face-clawing hair-pulling monster every morning. The first of many sisterly moment, I fear. John and I could barely hide our laughter.

Revenge of the five-month old. A birthday post coming soon.

First Figure

2008-11-27T21:50:00.001-05:00

First Figure
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Sophie's first figure (at the bottom). John drew the other two, left-handed lying down. We've never talked about drawing faces- she did it herself! I'm giddy over it.

Another milestone . . .

Dinner

2008-11-24T22:15:00.002-05:00

Dinner
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Them.
Sophie just woke up and yelled, "Daddy? Where are you?"

If you'd told me a year ago that he would be the center of her universe; the person who got up with her, made her breakfast, played with her, bathed her, dressed her and brushed her teeth, read her stories, and slept next to her, I'd have said, "And where am I in all of this?"

What a difference a year makes. Not that they weren't close before. But in the last four months we've both grown as parents- stretched our patience and our devotion to both of them. So I sit on the other side of the table now, with this one. It makes me so thankful that there are two of us, enough parents to go around and make our little family work.

Toy of the Moment

2008-11-21T21:29:00.001-05:00

Toy of the Moment
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Randomness on Friday. I posted on the other blog, which is bound to be more interesting.

Check out the fairy dolls. We love them so.

I'm busy purging our stuff, selling diapers, getting rid of thrift store impulse buys, paring down for Christmas and boat-living. I really like the few simple things I've gotten the girls, and intend to get them.

Sophie is a puzzle junkie. She LOVES them all of a sudden. We borrowed three from a friend today and wow, they're great. Mom, are there any in the puzzle rack upstairs (top of the study closet) or is it empty? Our friend Diana's mother-in-law saved all of hers from the mid-80s. It's like looking at ours all over again. John suggested doing a puzzle exchange through the library. Brilliant man.

Rosy is rosy. Determined to touch and feel and eat everything. She's really sitting! I can't believe it. I sang her to sleep tonight. It was perfect.

I'm the smallest I've been since 2002, when I was working a physical job outside. As Rosy is spitting less, I'm adding foods back to my diet. It feels so good to eat vegetables and occasionally a bite of pizza. So good.

If we don't get to posting this weekend, I will take some new pics, promise.

This Close to Sitting

2008-11-20T21:39:00.001-05:00

This Close to Sitting
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

It always starts well, and then there's the flip, and the roll. She doesn't seem to mind. I find it humorous that she's doing this the exact same time as her sister did, almost to the day. Freaky genetics.

Rosy's other trick. An early rocking chair addiction. I haven't blogged in days because I have holding her all night long. From 6PM on. As soon as I'd put her down with John or in the co-sleeper, she'd be writhing and grunting, immediately placated by the rocking chair. Same story in bed at night. Needs to be rocked every time she wakes. This happened with Sophie, but much farther down the line, at a time when I felt like I could break her habits and not feel guilty. But I reminded myself that if Rosy's smart enough to get me back in that chair a dozen times a night, she's also smart enough to give in to me and fall asleep in the bed. She fussed and fidgeted a bit last night, but I kept her in bed. And tonight I tried a new tactic, wearing her to sleep. She got really cozy and deeply asleep before I deposited her on the couch. It seems to be working better, touch wood.

Needless to say, we are exhausted. So exhausted that I forgot Sophie's shoes today and had to purchase some ridiculous Cookie Monster slippers to go into the library. Lucky kid. Then we went through the Starbucks drivethru so that I could fuel up for the afternoon. I heard Sophie in the back say, "Don't worry, Your mommy's just getting some coffee. We have to be very patient. It won't take long." Worth it. All of it, to hear my big girl talk to my baby that way. Just precious.

For My Dad

2008-11-18T21:08:00.001-05:00

You Say it's your Birthday
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Sophie suggested the hat. We were playing a pretend game. She was "Peachy," my grandmother whom she only knows from pictures. She said, "The baby can be JoePop. JoePop needs a hat." The whole game was all, "Did you know I'm JoePop's mommy? Did you know I have a husband?"

John always says his mom and my grandparents are looking down and smiling. But sometimes I think they just may be in the room.

Grrrls

2008-11-17T20:48:00.001-05:00

Grrrls
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Too hungry to post.
Rosy kept me up all night last night. Must be growing because the stomach? Growling.

2008-11-13T23:03:00.001-05:00

Xmas Eve
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

I interrupt our regularly scheduled programming for this post about the Holidays. Sophie is counting down to "Turkey Day," and I think she may be disappointed that it's simply a meal. With turkey.

Christmas will not disappoint, though I'm trying very hard to make as much as I can. Felt pencil rolls for the gift exchange, felt crowns for the girls, a marker holder for Zoo, handmade books, painted goodies for the extended family. I ordered a few wooden toys for Rosy, and am working on an idea for Sophie. Moving to the boat is a great excuse to purge ourselves of the plastic toys. And my new mantra for toys is, "Would I like to see that sitting on a bookcase in my house long after my kids aren't babies?" Sophie's Russian nesting dolls come to mind. Her drum. Her knitted dolls for Goonie. I got a gorgeous rainbow stacker for Rosy that's like a piece of art. Fun stuff.

Speaking of handmade- etsy continues to inspire.

Perhaps that is what I'll be thankful for today. Thankful that I can sew and knit and paint and create. Thankful that my kiddo spends much of her day creating with her paints, playdough, her new fairy dress-up dolls. Thankful that we have the time, the means, and the space to play in a crafty way. This time of year is especially fun for that reason.

Big Girl

2008-11-13T22:50:00.001-05:00

Big Girl
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Too tired to form a lucid post.

But breaking news: we went to Miami today to take care of insane bureaucratic business with the Coast Guard. We left and Rosy fell asleep within 5 minutes. Slept the whole way there. We left the Coast Guard and she fell asleep, binkyless, within three minutes. Slept through our second errand, and had to be awoken in Homestead for lunch. I thought this day would never come.

We looked at Honda Elements for fun on the way home. What a smashing family car. John likes it because it only has two seats in the back. Two seats=two children. Can you blame him?

Carousel

2008-11-11T21:30:00.002-05:00

Carousel
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

We honored the veterans today by going to the Zoo!
It's been nearly a year since we were there. It was grand.
True to character, Sophie was not most impressed by the animals, the icecream, or even the carousel. All we're hearing about is the scary growling gorilla recording playing in a little cave near one of the exhibits. A tape recording of gorillas. Obsessed. "Wanna be the gorilla tape player?"

Hopefully once she's processed that, we can move on to the fun we managed to have. Tons more pictures on Flickr, including the ones from last year, when we had one child.

Must Eat Fingers

2008-11-10T13:52:00.002-05:00

Must Eat Fingers
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Rosy is in the Bumbo on the table, trying to eat the thing. My friend Diana has a daughter two days older than Rosy, who has TWO teeth. There is hope. If Tabitha can have teeth, there may be an end in sight to our teething troubles. Shocker of all shockers, Rosy hates teething.

I learned with Sophie that parenthood is a revolving door of new challenges, and your biggest task, especially with little babies, is to accept each phase for what it is. You can't change it. You can't make the teeth come faster, or make the night-waking stop. You are asked to roll with it, again and again. That's what we do.

Rosy isn't sleeping particularly well at night. I've been up too late recently, on election hangover and simply spoiled by four months of reliable sleep. I need to accept that she's going to be up, and go to bed earlier. John was great today and took Sophie on his errands, giving me some time for myself, so that I won't feel so deprived of that at the end of the day. I hope he knows how much that helps.

Accept your babies for exactly who they are. I made life easier by accepting that Rosy will probably never sleep in the co-sleeper. She likes to be cuddled close at night. So what to do? Move the thing downstairs! Voila- instant changing table, clothes storage, and place to put her at night while I'm awake. Duh.

I should rescue here from Bumbo. Here's my Obama fix for the day- thanks, KSue!! I adore these pictures.

Watching CNN from the Pouch

2008-11-07T21:48:00.002-05:00

Pouch Babe
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

I linked to this Judith Warner piece from the big blog, but I'll quote the end here. Sophie understands that we like Barack Obama. She likes his stickers. She recognizes him on TV. But my girls may never understand why he means so much to us. Why he means such different things to so many groups of people. Warner sums it up so well:

"This moment of triumph marks the end of such a long period of pain, of indignity and injustice for African-Americans. And for so many others of us, of the trampling and debasing of our most basic ideals, beliefs that we cherished every bit as deeply and passionately as those of the “values voters” around whose sensibilities we’ve had to tiptoe for the past 28 years.

The election brought the return of a country we’d lost for so long that it was almost forgotten under the accumulated scar tissue of accommodation and acceptance.

For me, this will be the enduring memory of election night 2008: One generation released its grief. The next looked up confusedly, eager to please and yet unable to comprehend just what the tears were about."

My girls won't know the time we've just passed through. All that's come before. And I consider that the highest form of victory.

Overwhelming Me

2008-11-06T21:06:00.002-05:00

Overwhelming Me
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

I can't take much of this. It may make my heart explode. That these people who I love more than life itself, individually, could possibly love one another? Ridiculous.

I'm doing a month of thankful on the big blog. Something I'm thankful for, every day. Much has been election-dominated, so far. Today we were in line at the grocery store and this dude in a NASCAR shirt and motorcycle boots was talking to our cashier (who was black) about Obama. It made my heart sing a little bit to hear him say he woke up feeling better yesterday, that "there's a new crew in the shop," so he's feeling hopeful. It makes me happy that people are defying my own stereotypes. I've been crying for days. Just driving around, thinking about things, watching the news. My kids will know Sasha and Malia Obama in the White House. What a marvelous thing to see. This is the America they will know- of biracial people, of President-elects who use the words gay and straight in their acceptances (rock on), of optimism surrounding our government. What a difference a week makes.

Icecream Shop

2008-11-05T13:17:00.001-05:00

Icecream Shop
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

I wrote this for an online forum I belong to- the topic was kid stats.

Sophie is 2 yrs, 9 months old.
27 pounds and wicked short, 36ish inches? wears 18-24 month pants.

Has a crazy imagination and all of her play involves objects/tiny animals/dolls talking to each other.
Currently our living room is occupied by a pretend ice cream shop (takeout containers, spoons,and stacking cups),
Olivia the Pig in bed with the flu, with various remedies laid out beside her, including GripeWater to keep her from "getting fluey," a stone bunny garden ornament surrounded by Schliech animals all wearing hats, sitting in Little People chairs. I love the way she thinks.
She's finally into puzzles, she loves ballet. She needs more friends, but ones who are slightly older than her.
She's addicted to tv and watches most anything on Noggin/PBS happily. Lady and the Tramp is her favorite movie, but only because it's all she's seen.
Loves animals dearly. Loves being with John, who sleeps with her. Eats most anything but has a crazy sweet tooth. Begs for candy all.day.long. Loves to cook, couldn't be less interested in things with wheels.
Is a joy of a kid- sweet, empathetic, independent, funny, whimsical. The fact that she will play by herself is all I need from her right now.

Rosy is 4 months
14lbs.
24 inches

Finally emerging from the eternally grouchy days of early babyhood to be the most wonderful, laughy, predictable baby. My grandmother would say I've "spoiled her," as she won't sleep apart from me and wants to be held all the time, but she's my last tiny beast, so I'm reveling, temporarily. She's an old soul, hates being immobile, and I'm so looking forward to seeing her grow into her self.

Obumma

2008-11-04T20:17:00.001-05:00

Obumma
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Today felt like a national holiday.
Watching the returns. Florida looks good for Obama.
So proud that we could be a small part of that.

White Kitty

2008-11-03T21:33:00.001-05:00

White Kitty
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

There was a white kitty in our family last week!
Sophie had a good Halloween. Learned to trick-or-treat at the library, like it was some academic exercise. They went around to all the librarians and honed their pleases and thank-yous. Unfortunately, she goes to bed before the sun sets, and we have NO trick-or-treat traffic locally, so that will have to wait until next year. Given her current obsession with candy, it's for the best.

My folks were here. That was a blast, as always. Rosy continues to laugh and smile and coo and pewk. My dad got her to sleep last night by pushing her in the swing outside. Cutest moment of November, so far.

Daylight savings? Not so cute. I do not appreciate it as an adult with children who wake and go to sleep with the sun. A sun that currently sets before 6 and gets us up before 6. Can't we keep saving daylight? Would that be so hard?

Let's hope the returns tomorrow are cute. Vote for Broccoli. Barack. We love him in these parts. Even if we are the only ones.

Four Months

2008-10-29T20:56:00.001-05:00

Skeptical
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Dear Roo-

Four Months!!! That's almost six months! That's almost half a year!

Where in the world did time go? When did the transformation from newborn to full-fledged charming, pudgy infant begin? Oh how I love the new you. What a cute and sweet baby you've become. Smiles all the time, for everyone. Ticklish under the ribs. As happy as the day is long. Unless I neglect to feed you. And I do sometimes, intentionally, trying to get you to eat less and more frequently in hopes that it will ease the spitting. It is getting better. Definitely better. But where there is Rosy, there is still quite a bit of laundry.

At four months you have established your own little routine. It's amazing how regulated you've become, without the slightest coaxing from me. Awake between seven and eight. You air out on the floor, sit in the bouncy chair while I make coffee. We play for a while, wake up, watch Sophie's television shows. Then into the sling. You nurse sometime between 8:30 and 9, then a quick nap. I try to go slow and nurture this nap, as it sets you up for a good day.

We usually go out. You may nurse again in a variety of public settings. Then you go down again in the middle of the day. For a good long while if I get you in the sling just right. We play some more, sling some more, nurse some more. We go outside. We swing. You adore Sophie's swing. You may take a quick late-day snooze before dinner, preferably during dinner. A bath, perhaps, pajamas and a nighttime diaper. Bedtime between 6 and 7. Like clockwork. Oh the joy. I don't remember Sophie being on a schedule so early on. You've been doing the bedtime for months, and now the predictable naps. It makes it so easy to know you, to work with you, to get you what you need. I wonder if it will be an indication of the person emerging.

Somewhere in the midst of those difficult early days, I knew there would be a huge payoff to the hard work. There would come a day when the patience would be rewarded with a smiling, happy cherub. Don't get me wrong, you still know how to screech at the absolute top of your lungs when things aren't to your liking. But the problems and solutions are much more obvious these days. I fight small brushfires, not large burning swaths of wilderness. I can handle these needs without feeling desperate and overwhelmed, and exhausted.

Today we were driving back from music class and as usual, you grumbled about the car briefly. Then total silence took over the back seat. Your head hung forward and your hands were still. I actually pulled over to check your pulse. It seemed impossible that you had fallen asleep so quickly, without drama. But you had. When you started to wake up while I was unloading the recycling, I overheard Sophie saying., "It's okay Rosy, she's coming right back."

Welcome to our lives, Rose. I start every day with your smile, and I end every day snuggled up to your perfectly relaxed little body. You are our ticklish, laughing little Pea. We could not possibly love you more. Even Sophie will stop in a room and reach over to you, rub your head and say, "Ooooooh Roooosy."

Happy four months, sweet baby girl.
love mama

2008-10-27T22:04:00.001-05:00

Our Volvo's with this Guy
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

We voted today. Early, because you never know what's going to happen in Florida, or anywhere. Vote early if you can!

In 04' we had a Kerry poster in the window of our sailboat. We stayed in Boston long enough to vote at the public library in Copley Square. I knew it would be close, but I didn't know how heartbreaking it would be.

This year we went to the polls as a family four (holy geez, how did that happen???). I cast my vote for my kids, because they are truly what this election is about. This is their JFK moment, I'm convinced. This is the history they will read about, long after the Bushies become sidebars in the history books. Part of me is terrified for Barack's life, and the other part of me is exhilirated beyond belief. I remember his keynote at the 2004 DNC. I said then and there, "Why can't this country elect someone like him?" I really didn't think it was possible. Is it?

Meanwhile, John's been helping me make sense of the financial crisis. The gambling on mortgage securities, the borrowing against them, ten-fold. It is truly criminal, what was allowed to happen. It has solidified my political beliefs, as well as my resolve to live simply, and frugally, and debt-free if at all possible. That this house of cards was allowed to be built, much less to fail, is a travesty.

That is my political rant for 2008. Stepping off the soapbox . . .

My Day

2008-10-25T21:54:00.001-05:00

My Day
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

It was a good day with the silly beasts. We ate a ton of Tings. And Rosy really enjoyed the Johnny Jump-Up, though it holds no candle to the outside swing. She would have stayed swinging under the tiki all afternoon. Sophie's new thing is to take walks, so we walked down to the fish market and boat dock. She collected treasures like bottle caps and weeds. A realtor let her have the balloons from an Open House sign. She diligently stayed inside the white line of the bike path. Rosy supervised from the sling.

Then we carved our cat-o-latern.

Roo

2008-10-24T21:06:00.001-05:00

Roo
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Today-
coffee
change one, wipe one
breakfast PB&J
rice cereal while drinking coffee
sling
clothes
snacks prepared
stroller and sling to the playground, baby naps
multiple friends, expected and unexpected
finally home around 1
tv, lunch, baby naps
change and cereal, more coffee
dishes
post office, starbucks (to buy coffee for home, not more today!)
baby naps (not on my body!)
dinner
baby bath, pjs, play
books, bed for sophie
rosy and i watch the news
rock baby to sleep
talk to john, have a beer
baby on couch, blog
snack
bed

Bright Eyes

2008-10-22T19:36:00.001-05:00

Bright Eyes
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Four month stats:

13 pounds, 10 ounces
24 inches long

between 25-50th percentiles for both (I look these up for fun, not because I believe they're good tools for scaring parents).

Doctor says she's gaining well, not wheezing or coughing, so the reflux is just a wait-and-see game for now (which is what I expected). Basically they don't treat a baby unless reflux is causing harm to their tooth enamel, breathing, etc. Allergies can't be tested for until she's closer to two years. Something about her anitbodies not being fully developed. Likely she'll outgrow the spitting by 6 months, and by a year worst case (that's a lot of laundry). So, a clean bill of health for our beautiful, gregarious baby.

So dirty, and so perfect

2008-10-21T21:29:00.004-05:00

So dirty, and so perfect
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

News Update!

Sophie has a new tooth! Finally a big bad two-year-molar has broken through. We knew she was up to something.

Rosy has her first stuffy nose and from the sounds coming through the baby monitor, I can tell that Sophie will be next. I fought off a sore throat last week, so I know where this started.

Tomorrow we're off to have Rosy checked over and talk to the doc about her reflux. I've read every article under the sun about what to do- to treat or not to treat. We're re-starting some thin cereal, but I'd hate to think that my own inaction and apprehension could lead to permanent issues like tooth decay and wheezy asthma symptoms. I've pulled out just about every trick in my book- diet modification, probiotics, positioning, etc. I know that it could be much worse, but I'm also anxious for things to improve. So we'll see. The upside is that she is clearly healthy and gaining weight, hitting all her milestones, strong as a whip.

ps- new videos on Vimeo!

Free Associating on Rosy

2008-10-19T12:13:00.001-05:00

Reaching and Holding
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Milestones- flying by:
smiling. check
cooing. check
lifting head from belly. check.
rolling to belly and back. check.
sitting supported. check.
reaching and holding. check.

trying desperately to crawl, so much so that she wakes herself up doing it. that's a lot of fun at 3AM.

watching sophie's every move. cooing and gurgling non-stop to get a word in edgewise.

watches television. check.
wants to eat everything. check.
teething. check

the amount of drool is unprecedented.
today sophie has been making a game of seeing what objects rosy can hold. her favorite things are blankets and rags. she drops them from the bumbo and then turns her whole body towards them and cries, as if to say, "Get it for me."

and we always do.

Cheeky Zoo

2008-10-17T19:57:00.003-05:00

Cheeky Zoo
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Our sweetness.
She has been so good. Today there was much Rosy love, kissing and laughing and goodness. I hope that as Rosy's mood improves (and it does- everyday!!!), Sophie will be less terrified and more interested. To her credit, she has put up with more than any 2.5 year-old should have to. What a wee saint.

Yesterday marked her first phone conversation with JoePop. They talked about their dinner plans, and their pajamas. It was the cutest thing on earth, her running back to the phone to tell him more and than gushing, "HE LOVES ME TOO!!" Heart is melting.

The hardest part of this two-child business is missing the intimacy I had with Sophie. I'm sure that part of me romanticizes it and there were many days of gritty impatience even with one kid, but I often wish I had a third hand and twice as many hours in the day (or a baby who would sleep apart from me). So that on top of the baby-wrangling and boob-feeding, between the laundry and trying to keep things off the floor, there could be more time for this lovely girl. Her father has been her go-to guy for months now, and thank goodness he's here and willing and able. Perhaps that's the gain to my loss. She has gained such a wonderful relationship with him. I hope it carries them for years to come. Then it will all be worth it.

State of Grace

2008-10-14T20:44:00.002-05:00

Showing off her Hat
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Today was a doozy with Rose. Hot and cold. She was grand all morning, then suffered a terrible horrible meltdown for some unknown reason (scared? mayonnaise? who knows . . .), then I managed to splatter her hand while I was cooking chicken. Worst mom ever. No permanent damage, except to my psyche. Now she is looking like a candy cane in her new handed-down pajamas, sleeping on lambie while the Red Sox lose pathetically. At least I'm having a beer.

I just read a really moving post on one of the blogs I frequent. Sharyn has three sons and her oldest was involved in a pretty hideous skateboarding accident last year. He recovered, but with permanent brain damage. Caleb is in his mid-twenties.

"These celebrations are now a new experience for me. I missed the usual Caleb jumping out of trees, the boy racing over the moss covered rocks in the river below, the infectious laughter that sprang from him as if he had held it in for a bit too long and it had to escape with a boistrousness and an energy that had a life of it's own. I watch with sadness as he sits in a chair and cannot keep up with the movement of conversation that a large group brings. I plummet and plummet until I almost hit bottom, then a yo-yo snap of life brings me up again into the safety of a warm hand holding ...I am fine, I am fine. We will be OK.

As best man Caleb was expected to come up with a toast at dinner..and being the mother..I was nervous. Could he pull it off? would he freeze up before the microphone? would he stumble over words? Caleb stood firmly planted into the Earth below him and spoke these words. " I have known Cedar since I was little and I want to say how proud I am of him. ( Then with a directed point of a finger, he looked at Cedar and said- here goes..I'm proud of you" )
I have known Cedar longer than than he has known Ennie, And I am a little pissed off that he didn't ask me to marry him. I want to wish you the best...shine on you crazy diamonds."

The crowd went crazy with laughter and cheers..Kai noted later that many tears paused for a look at the corner's of eyes before spilling over .... but there was one person in the crowd who could not hear a thing , or see a thing....she was stuck in that state of Grace where no one else exists........but for one."

There is something special about your babies making you feel like you two are the only people in the world. On the day they are born. And every day afterwards. They are yours and yours alone. I have many of those moments with Rosy, as hard as she often is, as all-consuming, she is also magic.

Face

2008-10-13T20:36:00.003-05:00

Face
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Like looking in a mirror.
More soon- I have a new plan to keep me blogging regularly.
But right now I need a rice krispy treat. John encouraged me to post the blog about my grandfather over here, too. So that will be today's bookmark.

Grandparents

2008-10-13T20:36:00.001-05:00

Grandparents
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

I hope they are together, as they will always be in my memory.
He loved Edith so very much.

Last week at the memorial, Grandad's friend Bob told a story I don't want to forget.

"His relationship with Miss Edith and hers with him was one of total commitment to each other. It showed in all the big ways and in little ways too. Every afternoon they would sit down together, have a drink and talk about their respective days. When Miss Edith went into Spring Harbor (a nursing home), or Pearl Harbor, as she called it, each afternoon Hugh would mix two drinks and take them up to her room so that they could continue their tradition.

As many of you know in those last weeks, Miss Edith needed help in moving around. Hugh had gone to visit her and she was sitting in her chair. They talked for a while and Hugh lay down on Miss Edith’s bed to rest for a minute. He fell asleep and when he woke up, she was on the bed beside him. Somehow, some way, without anyone’s help, she had gotten out of the chair, crossed the room and climbed up on the bed beside him. He had tears in his eyes when he told me the story."

The other piece of Bob's eulogy that I really appreciated was that he told the story of October 4. Sixty-three years ago a typhoon (full-blown hurricane for us Atlantic folk) struck Okinawa, Japan, where my grandfather was serving aboard a small wooden minesweeper. He had his orders home, was due to return to the States any day, when the storm struck. His minesweeper was ordered out to sea. Ships all around his were sunk or destroyed. Men who had won a war lost their lives to the typhoon. But he didn't. He spent much of his life trying to figure out why his tiny boat was spared. What did they do differently? And what did that day mean for the rest of his life? I have a little card on my refrigerator that he had posted in his office. It says quite simply, "There is more within you."

Happiness is facing reality.
Love always and everywhere.
Family is everything.

so many favorite expressions . . .
He will be missed.

Good Morning

2008-10-12T12:52:00.001-05:00

Good Morning
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

happy sunday-

One More

2008-10-11T21:10:00.002-05:00

One More
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

A few grandparents posts on the big blog. I really should consolidate the two one day soon. The fact is that Rosy's baby moments will be intimately woven into the fabric of our next few years. With Sophie we were put into a bit of a holding pattern, selling boats/buying boats/working. She was our adventure. Not that Rosy won't be- she has already taken us down a long and bumpy course- but we hope to have more family news to accompany the first words and first steps. Figuring out what stuff to post where will be increasingly harder.

Tonight John is away working on the new boat. I'm alone with the girls for the first time in months. The last time I put Sophie to bed, with Rosy in tow, was in early July. It was easy tonight, and it reminded me of just how hard these last few months have been. Both girls go to bed between 6:30 and 7:00. Like clockwork. Rosy ate her fingers while Sophie listened to me read. I bounced Rosy around the room while Sophie listened to her tape. Miracle of miracles, both had closed eyes by 7.

I knew that Rosy would emerge from the funk. I just didn't know when I'd be able to look back and breathe a deep exhausted sigh. Tonight was the night. Now when I see newborn babies I feel that tinge of sweet sadness, that mine are already bigger and I won't have another, but it is coupled with the profound relief that THANK GOD I won't have to relive these months.

On a lighter note, my favorite Sophism of late. She loves family relationships and was pretending to be my dad one morning. I was assigned the role of my mom, Goonie. Sophie went to wake John up and announced, "Your wife is now my wife."

Uh-huh. She also uses the term "folks." "The folks are here!" I love her so truly madly deeply. Such a charming little beast.

a smile from Rosie

2008-10-10T19:17:00.002-05:00

a smile from Rosie
Originally uploaded by jennkr.

One from our Atlanta friend and neighbor, Jennifer. Sometimes when she smiles I feel like I'm looking at myself. Genetics are just awesome.

Rose

2008-10-10T07:24:00.001-05:00

Rose
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

I've been blogging in my head for days, just never the right moment to sit down babyless.

But the baby- someone traded her in for a clone that is smiley and predictable and able to be put down for more than two minutes. Ahhhhh. She's emerging from her former traumatized self to become the most funny and warm and engaging little thing. Her unsolicited smiles- the ones you catch out of the corner of your eye while you're reading or cooking, those are amazing. She is still intense, but in this fabulous, smart way. Being home has been great for her. She's settled into her own little routine of a morning, middday, and afternoon nap. Bedtime by seven. Sleeps and nurses until seven or eight in the morning. Where did this come from? She still spits like crazy but is improving as her little body finds its rhythm and I can be careful of my diet.

Sophie was such a dream on our trip and continues to be her whimsical, dynamic self at home. As my mom said when we left, :"she made many memories for a lot of people." I won't soon forget her walking up and down my parents steep driveway, again and again. Or chasing my aunt's dog, and her obsession with her cousins-once-removed. That was mad love. And the singing!

But breakfast awaits. Until later . . .

How She Flies

2008-10-07T22:35:00.001-05:00

How She Flies
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

We're back!
More to come.
The girls were a dream, trudging through the last 2 weeks of new places and faces and experiences. Both of them were amazing. There is so much to say but the debate kept me away tonight. Shame.

Pictures on Flickr.

Three Months

2008-09-28T08:26:00.001-05:00

Happy Bumbo
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Dear Rosy Roo-

Yesterday you turned three months old. Unreal. The end of your fourth trimester, And believe you me, it was the fourth trimester. It has been a long adjustment to this world, with its food and lights and sounds and challenges. You still startle quickly, and hate much of what I eat, but slowly you are beginning to give the impression that you might like it here. Especially as you've discovered how to propel your tiny body in multiple directions while lying down. Movement is freedom from the frustrating trappings of babyhood. Your dissatisfaction with the newborn stage is giving way to joy that comes with growing up.

It's going too fast, and yet I sigh with relief, knowing I won't have to relive these three months. That they were hard is an understatement. Life-changing. Exhausting, mind-boggling. A fog.

Rosy, we are deeply in love with you. In love with your sweet smile and your coos and squeals. Your big eyes, open like an owl, summon everyone into your force-field. I won't soon forget the laughs and smiles we got bopping through the airport with you facing out in the Moby, eyes wide open and little socks bouncing up and down. Precious stuff.

You are talking in your fabulous babyspeak. You roll from back to your belly, somehow free your arms and push up on your elbows. You love to watch television with Sophie. Scary. She is your whole world. To watch her play and talk is heaven. Those rare moments when she squeezes soap on your belly or pats your head, those are the highlights. They are sweet and splendid.

On your third-month-birthday, we find ourselves in Atlanta. Tomorrow we will bury my grandfather's ashes. I wrote a similar letter to your sister when she was two months old, when my grandmother passed away. My babies have brought new life and love to my family, each as we were busy losing our oldest members. Talking to your dad last night, I thanked him for choosing to carry on the Landrum name. Grandaddy had only granddaughters and great-granddaughters. You could very well be the last little Landrum, Miss Rosy. And every time I say your sweet name, there is a part of me that feels the crazy strong love he shared with me (and me with him). The last moment I had with Grandaddy, you were in the sling, and he reached up from bed, put his hand on your head and declared you beautiful. Beautiful Rosy Roo. Nothing could have meant more to me, or to him, I'd like to think.

Thank you for sharing this week with us, Rose. I am so glad you're here.

I love you,
mama

Grand Pop Pop

2008-09-25T13:55:00.001-05:00

Grand Pop Pop
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Goonie and Rose

2008-09-24T21:21:00.001-05:00

Goonie and Rose
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

So far we've

fed ducks and geese
run from aggressive geese
eaten two Chick-fil-A party trays
pushed rosy in the stroller
spit up in every room of my folk's house
had much wine
worn colorful socks
visited greatGranny twice
shopped at Ikea
shopped at Target
shopped at Trader Joes
drove baby around in the pickup
collected acorns and leaves
slept with both girls, Sophie asked tonight when Rosy was coming to bed

The real reason we're here is my Grandfather, and our lives feel like they're in a state of limbo for the meantime. That goes for everyone in my extended family. It is just good that we can all be together for him, and for us. Sophie has been amazing. The whining and ridiculousness of late just melted away when we got on the plane. She has been a dream. When she's uber-exhausted she asks to go back to Florida, which is code for, "can we see Daddy?" He'll be here soon. Rosy improves too- every day is better. More pics to come, and thanks for the warm wishes.

Shooting Arrows

2008-09-18T19:07:00.003-05:00

Shooting Arrows
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Just a pic today.
We'll be away for a few days. More on that adventure here.
Wish me luck on my first flight with two girls. I booked the last row of the plane. And am bringing the DVD player. It should be okay.

KSue survived Ike!! We're so glad- we missed you.

And a footnote. This is a quote from Ask Moxie, who's having trouble with her three-year-old and NOTHING more adequately describes our experience with Sophie right now. It is exactly where she is.

"It feels to me, from being on the outside of it, that the developmental spurt that's happening somehow seems to remove the protective emotional layers somehow, so that all the person's emotions are right there, waiting to bubble over at any second. The person on the inside can't process or deal with or control them. Which is why they get stuck in a "Pick me up!! Put me down!!" loop. It's like they have an exposed nerve, and any time anything brushes against it they just go off from the overload.

I've noticed that when I'm feeling emotionally fried, my child being in one of these emotional wack-out times just sets me off, too. But when I'm on an even keel, my response just instinctively seems to be more one of "Oh you poor sweet little thing. Let me give you a hug.""

She's like a bundle of nerves without the myelin. A hand in Alaska without gloves. Oh but she is precious. Today she wore a leotard all day long, dancing periodically and occasionally asking me, "Mama, what's this called?" A leotard. What a funny word. I must score a tutu in Atlanta. Just to hear her say it.

Haircutting

2008-09-16T22:04:00.001-05:00

Haircutting
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Just a picture tonight. The after shots coming tomorrow.

Sisters

2008-09-14T19:54:00.001-05:00

Sisters
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

And this pretty much sums up the past two months. This week has been the first week in a long time that Sophie's voluntarily come near the screaming beast. She hugged her today and then said, "Don't forget the kiss" as she popped one on the top of Rosy's head. It helps when she smiles at you. Meanwhile, Rosy cannot take her eyes off Sophie. Loves loves loves.

Eyeing Me

2008-09-12T21:29:00.002-05:00

Eyeing Me
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Hello mama.
She is a parrot. If I make a Grr sound, or roll an R, she does her very best to mimic me. It is sensational. Almost as wonderful as seeing her smiling at me from behind her binky.

Today is our anniversary. We celebrated by feeding large fish, riding a glass elevator, and buying Sophie an Ella doll (don't tell, it's on its way). So the day was basically all about Zoo. Making her happy makes us happy.

Smiles for Dad

2008-09-11T21:02:00.001-05:00

Smiles for Dad
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

wow. We turned a corner. We may go backwards for me having said it, but these past three or four days have felt something like normal for the first time in months. Happy happy baby. Smiling, sleeping, resilient, even a little bit patient. But can we talk about the endless smiling and cooing? Warms me to the core. It is special.

My Day

2008-09-09T21:56:00.001-05:00

My Day
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Almost eleven. Falling asleep as I type, but wanted to say Happy Birthday to the original Grummy. Goonie!!!!

We had a really good day, hurricanes aside. Sophie set up several elaborate and precious conversations with her tiny animals. They went to school, and somehow they made it to "Bethany's house" for hamburgers (Bethany lives next to my parents- Sophie hasn't seen her in 9 months but clearly has a thing for her!). She entertained herself for half an hour swimming in the neighbor's flooded boat this evening (after the wind had died down).

Something that made me laugh, and sums up my everything right now: A few nights ago Sophie had an accident in bed and was in the bathroom changing. I walked in with her new pjs and she looked up, squinted and said, "Oh Mama, you don't have Rosy." Today was a banner Rosy day, clearly feeling like a million bucks. But still, even with close to an hour of combined swing-bouncer-tummy time, she is constantly in my arms. Today Sophie held her for the first time in weeks. Smiles have a way of winning people over.

Morning

2008-09-08T21:12:00.001-05:00

Morning
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

So sorry to be out of touch. But this is like most nights. It's after 10:00 and I am just now gaining back the use of a second hand. For an hour or so before bed, while Rosy sits in Boppy next to John (his hand on her, because she's truly convinced she won't make it without constant human contact). The blog will go on, but sporadically for a while. That's just the way it will have to be. This is my baby book, even as the baby keeps me from it.

Thanks for still reading. She's already awake. Back to the rocking chair.

Baking

2008-09-04T20:39:00.001-05:00

Baking
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

For my mom: baking a "Zanzibar cake"- completely fictional, from the Ella books.

Mad Chillin'

2008-09-04T20:38:00.001-05:00

Mad Chillin'
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

We made huge progress this weekend. Good days. No screaming. Or just a little screaming, easily quelled by the crazy front-carry in the wrap. Today was two steps back. Not happy. Not pooping (but that doesn't seem to be the problem, maybe she's just getting the right amount? should I worry?). Grumbly and angry, especially in the car. Tomorrow we're doing a diet cleanse and avoiding the carseat. Hopefully that will result in more Mad Chillin', for all of us.

John is the bedtime master. Seriously. He got dinner on the table, did baths, PJs, teeth, books, and bed by 7:10. I love him and would not be writing this tale without his help. Now off to make Rice Krispies. I know she likes those. So do I.

Goonie

2008-09-02T20:46:00.001-05:00

Goonie
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Missing you, Goonie. More on Flickr.

A banner day for Miss Rosy. A banner few days. I won;'t say too much, as I'm terrified of jinxing ourselves, but she is SMILING like the sun shines, and clearly feeling like something close to good. It was great to have the grandparents here again- this will forever be the visit of Lady & the Tramp, Ella, and Yoko. My mom played every role there was to play. Trooper.

New Hat

2008-09-01T21:41:00.001-05:00

New Hat
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

A few more good Rosy days . . she's so much more social and smiley this week. It's incredible to watch her open up.Still won't be off my person for more than twenty minutes at the time, but it's nice to hold a baby that's not perpetually vomiting and/or crying.

Sophie continues her extended performances, always inspired by characters in her books. The best part though- she often adds in song and dance numbers. Oh they are precious. She has been a trooper through the excitement of the weekend, only a few minor meltdowns. It blows me away that she's so big. BIG, I tell you.

Two Months

2008-08-29T21:17:00.001-05:00

Dreamy smiles
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Dear Sweet One-

Oh Month Two. How hard it's been. For Rosy, especially. But there is good news. There are smiles! There are sounds. Not your average Coo, but a funny little cackle of a greeting. There is chub. Twelve pounds of it! Your elbows are dimpling and your wrists have little creases where they meet your hands. Your cheeks are amazing entities to themselves.

Poor old you. Reflux is a mean thing, torturing brand new babies with belly acid after they burp. I hate that you've had to feel bad, and I hate that I can't do more for you. We have wrapped and bounced and gripe-watered, fed you itty-bits of rice cereal. My diet is an advertisement for your local rice paddy and sunflower field. I'd eat dirt if it made you feel better. No tiny baby should have to feel bad.

Sensitive defines every aspect of your relationship with the world. Super-sensitive to what I eat, sensitive to temperature, to noise, to the number of people in a room. Sensitive to the carseat, to the act of dressing you in your pajamas. You're wound tight as a bow, and yet there are these fleeting moments of pure baby happiness. They are beautiful. Smiles and kicks and the serious business of listening to our babbling. You do love us. You know us, and you are learning from us. Between the hiccups and the grumps, you are becoming you.

Time is flying and yet it is crawling. Every day at this stage is an absolute marathon. I feel like I never have time to sit down and admire your perfection. I take pictures and look at them when you've finally crashed in the Boppy next to dad. I see what we're working so hard for. More smiles, more love, more happy days for Rosy, whom we love so dearly. It's getting better all the time. I know your cues. I know that you hate a soggy bottom and that you like to sleep facing forward in the wrap (crazy kook). Everyday I learn more. And so do you.

Happy two months, Lillian Rose. I feel like I've known you forever. And maybe I have.

I love you so much,
mama

JoePop

2008-08-29T15:57:00.001-05:00

JoePop
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Sorry to have been so absent lately. Lots of babywearing makes Mama a very dull writer.

But the grandparents are here, so there is hope for a decent post (I owe Rosy a two-month letter), and there's much more on Flickr- just click away. We're doing well!

Mouth

2008-08-24T21:07:00.002-05:00

Mouth
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

A post on the big blog today. Rosy only napped in my arms, or tied to me, facing forward, fully upright. She's a nutcase. Truly.

Smile

2008-08-22T20:56:00.002-05:00

Smile
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

First smile. check,
First cereal. check.

Yep, in the ongoing saga of Rosy's reflux, she had a bite of rice this evening. Midwife's advice. She had a good day, too. Both Laura and Miriam, the two ladies who delivered her (and they did deliver her, this wasn't a "catch the baby" kind of birth), came to visit (and prod me). It was great to see them. June 27th feels like ages ago- so much has happened since we were last together. They had lots of supportive suggestions regarding the crazy reflux. Cereal being one. We're hoping it will help her keep a bit more in her belly, and irritate her poor esophagus less. She had a great, smiley day. Even slept on Laura's lap. So yes, Mom, there is hope that she'll let you hold her, and even rock her to sleep next week. Let's hope!

Sophie, on the otherhand . . . Ugh. We're convinced she's teething again, with the hands in the mouth and the out-of-character breakdowns. It was an ugly, squarish day. One of those countdowns to 7PM. John has been putting her to bed almost every night. I love him for many many reasons, and this one may be at the top of the list these days.

The best surprise came in the mail- my aunt, Sally, sent a card of congrats. The card itself had come from my grandmother's stationary stash. Like she was saving it for Rosy. Made my day. How she would smile to know that this little one shares her birthday. I miss my Edith. I wish she could know my girls.

Dreamy

2008-08-21T21:48:00.001-05:00

IMGP4337
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Rosy had a good day. That's all there is. It's enough for me.

Sweet Girl

2008-08-19T22:05:00.002-05:00

Sweet Girl
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

This one is for my parents. We've been playing "Goonie and JoePop" for the past week- Sophie is alternately one of you, and John or I, the other. Sometimes John is Hugh and I am Mom, and we dote on Sophie like she's, well, Sophie. We go the airport, we drive a car, we bring "chicken hamburgers" from Atlanta.

But today she was Goonie, wearing my running shoes, going out for a walk. She brought me a pair of earplugs from John's dresser and said, "And you're JoePop. You don;t like loud noises when you're sleeping," and then made me crawl into bed and cover up "like JoePop in his Jamas."

Don't ever doubt how often you inhabit her thoughts. I love her way of trying on different identities. She pretended to be me today. I wish I could remember what she said.

In other news- a smile from Rosy today. She had a good day.

My Kid

2008-08-18T11:37:00.001-05:00

My Kid
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

I haven't blogged properly in ages. So much to do.

But we are hanging in there, enjoying the storm (believe it or not, this stuff excites us), having a quiet moment between Sophie's teething (hello molars!) and Rosy's perpetually grumbly belly. A few things I ate last week set her into a tailspin and it is only today that she's feeling good, relaxing her little limbs and keeping things down. I started probiotics to try and help her little belly digest better, and I have at least a few really safe foods that can keep me going. Before we start solid foods, I will definitely have her tested for allergies, as a friend told me her son started vomiting when he had his first rice cereal- it's full of soy fillers! They tried squash the next day and he got super rashy, and came up allergic to dozens of things. Rosy's uber-sensitive belly may resolve itself in time, but I'd hate to give her something that might hurt her. Right now I'm a decent filter. And already below pre-pregnancy weight, thanks to my rice diet, and toting her around all day long.

I feel like the focus she's required for the past few weeks has really kept me from even thinking about Sophie, as awful as that is to say. It's just a matter of getting through the days, keeping her as content as can be, and hoping bedtime goes well (John got her to sleep four nights this week- SAINT!). It should be duly noted that she's her old wonderful self, her vocabulary expanding everyday, to include words like commotion, and collection. She's an amazing sister, always doting on Rose, no matter how awful our day has been. A few nights ago at dinner, Rosy was crying and Sophie let out this wonderful yell of frustration. John and I looked at each other and said, "Exactly."

She's teething, and that has brought with it lots of tears. The weather has also been dreadfully hot, and yesterday was the first time we really got to be outside for a long time. It was heaven sent. She amused herself with a stick, a flower, and a few rocks for hours, while I bounced and nursed and caught Rosy's regurgitated lunch.

That's my life right now. Rosy's been smiling today and just fell asleep in the swing. Things are feeling good, and that's all we can ask for right now.

My Saturday

2008-08-16T21:33:00.001-05:00

My Saturday
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Rosy was awake all.day.long. I think out of the past 48 hours, she's been unattached from me for perhaps 4 of them. She sleeps in the crook of my arm at night, facing forward in the sling all day (the only position she wants, even though she's really too small to be facing out). My back is going nuts. I have two new baby carriers in the works, just to keep the stash new and interesting. In the evenings she lets me put her in the Boppy next to John. I wouldn't be surviving without that break.

Chinese food and my delicious beefy pasta sauce are off the safe list. We soldier on . . and prepare for baby's first hurricane!

Rosy

2008-08-13T20:00:00.001-05:00

Rosy
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

A good day today- the highlight of which, was my looking down at her on the changing mat, smiling at her, and she SMILED right BACK. She could scream for the next week and that was enough to keep me going.

Sophie also had a great day. She's using the word "commotion" in context. Enough said.

Project Runway calls.

4PM

2008-08-12T22:16:00.001-05:00

4PM
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

This is what we did yesterday. Two more pics on Flickr.
Today was a much better day. It shocks me what a difference my diet makes, not to harp on the issue. But wow.

We Do a Lot of This

2008-08-11T22:33:00.001-05:00

We Do a Lot of This
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

And So we regress. Baby was in our arms all day. Sunup till just now.
I ate lentil soup and apparently this was a very bad decision. I took a bunch of photos of the various sling arrangements we improvised. Maybe tomorrow I'll get them up.
Just booked our trip to Georgia the first week of October. The parents will get a lesson in the rice/sunbutter diet before we depart.

Coming Up Roses

2008-08-10T14:56:00.001-05:00

Coming Up Roses
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

I got nothing new. Rosy is SO much better. I feel like I can almost breathe again. I';m not sure if it is any one thing- my diet, her growing. She didn't even scream in the car the past couple days. She sleeps well. She's cuddly. It's seriously like night and day from Friday. She's even smiling today. If rice and sunbutter was all I could eat for the next eighteen years, I'd do it to have her this happy.

The other night we were eating and Rose was in the sling. She was leaning off to one side and started to move herself back onto my chest, tucked under my chin. My first instinct was to stand up and start walking, but she settled in and snuggled up, fell back asleep. Something that small means the world to me these days. The sweetness made me stop breathing for a second. I hope I always remember that feeling, like, "all I need is you." This is why people have babies.

Not Fun at All

2008-08-09T09:41:00.001-05:00

Not Fun at All
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Yesterday afternoon was not fun, not fun at all. Sophie took an unexpected nap and woke up in Grump's country. Insisted on being ON me while I was nursing the baby who wouldn't sleep. Today: no more naps. And more naps for Rosy.

Rosy is asleep on my lap, Out cold (bless her). Sophie is watching Charlotte's Web because I just needed some time for myself. It's been too long. She's having "HER" time, is the way I justify it.

Things have improved with the wee one since I went super-crazy with the diet. No dairy, whole wheat, no peanut butter, no chocolate, minimal soy, almost no raw veg (cooked veg is better, but in moderation). Among my favorite discoveries: smartbalance butter substitute (we're making Rice Krispy treats today), Sunbutter (totally addicted, it's made from sunflower seeds), nutritional yeast as an almost-cheesy flavor. Good stuff. I can also eat Fritos and not feel so terrible.

This too shall pass, but having an almost-normal, alert, contented baby is worth every headache.

Rosy Noggin

2008-08-06T07:28:00.001-05:00

Rosy Noggin
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Still here. Just to make sure I wasn't getting complacent after two good days, Rosy had some serious stomach issues yesterday afternoon and was in my arms from noon until almost ten o'clock, with some breaks for her favorite spot on John's shoulder (i.e. the frantic twenty minutes of putting Sophie to bed). Sophie's 7:00 bedtime has been a gift through all this- so much easier, though the days seem long without a nap. I'd lose my mind if we were still battling with her over bed, while battling the crazy reflux babygods. I hope she grows out of this soon, for her sake. I discovered some delicious allergen-free snack stuff, thanks to my internet peeps. Sunbutter is so delicious- even if you eat the peanuts, try it. You'll like it.

We're off to music class and playdates with our friends Diana, Johnathan, and Tabitha. It's fun to have someone with a baby 2 days older than mine (not to mention a toddler of similar age!), even if her baby is the picture of mellow and mine is the picture of high-needs. But Diana and I even agreed that as tough as some days with Rosy are, she's actually solidified the bond I have with her much earlier than a mellow baby. She's not just a wee lump that occasionally needs to be applied to the boob. She's quickly consuming all of our worlds . . .

Her Work

2008-08-03T19:38:00.002-05:00

Her Work
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

We found this bike by the side of the road. It was fun for a while, she learned to pedal it, then the steering broke. We're in the market for a new bike, and decided to paint this one.

She painted all weekend long. Page after page. Today we mixed colors- though she comes back to "scary black" again and again.

The things you do to entertain one while you deal with number two . . .
speaking of whom, we reached equilibrium today. Something was right. Three hours napping in the swing this morning. Quiet, pleasant nursing all day, still snoozing away, through the witching hour. No dairy, no veggies, no nothing. She feels good.

Beautiful Face

2008-08-02T09:17:00.001-05:00

Beautiful Face
Originally uploaded by susanandcorey.

Because there's not enough Sophie of late. My sister has some beautiful shots on her Flickr page. Click this one to see.

Alien Life

2008-08-02T09:07:00.004-05:00

Alien Life
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Just so I don't forget, Rosy has been asleep in the swing for more than hour. Alone, out of my arms. She did it yesterday too. There are glimpses of normal baby behavior. Even though she cried for close to 5 hours last night. Colic supposedly peaks around 5-6 weeks. Maybe we're standing at the top of the mountain and she's taking a few deep breaths, knowing how much I need them.

The ultimate birth control, this experience.

I framed three pictures, finished putting a pile of stuff in her baby book, started the dishwasher, ate two pieces of toast, played about sixteen Babar YouTube videos for Sophie, and managed to see a bit of F1 qualifying (go Lewis!). It's been a good morning. Desperately needed after a long evening. I count my blessing, though, because she does sleep so well at night . . . (touch wood). Thank goodness for John's shoulder- she loves it up there and I know I can get a good 5 minutes to pee, guaranteed. She's so picky and needy of me, that he hasn't been able to keep her occupied as much as he would like- but he's uber-helpful in all the ways he can be. And that's what I need! Thanks, babe. This stage will pass, and today was a sign of things to come, I hope.

Rosy, one month

2008-07-31T21:38:00.001-05:00

Rosy, one month
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

I think I held or wore Rosy for close to 15 hours today. Colic has hit us hard, and while I was perusing Dr. Sear's book for ideas, I found his description of "the High-Needs Baby." It's like he's describing my kid.

"Supersensitive." Yep. Bothered by change. Hates certain environments, especially the Chinese restaurant we often frequent. Startles super-easy. Sears says not to expect them to accept people readily. Rosy is particularly grumpy about socializing with new people. My poor visiting family last weekend . . .

"Can't Put Him Down." Uh-huh. Enter Moby wrap.

"Not a self-soother." Boobs and being smothered next to boobs with a pacifier in her mouth are just about the only ways she soothes. She also loves her some hairdryer and "elevator dance."

"Intense." Everything about Rosy is intense.

"Wants to nurse all the time." ALL the time. She is growing like a weed, so I have something to show for it. But in the first weeks, she nursed so much she'd send half of it back.

"Awakens frequently." Never sleeps for more than an hour during the day, except on the rare day.

"Unsatisfied, unpredictable." Never does Rosy sit quietly. It's a rare day that she even sits in a sling and takes things in, calmly, like her sister did.

"Hyperactive, hypertonic." Rosy wiggles, she has a certain spot and until you find it, she squirms.

"Draining." Oh holy moley she wears me out.

"Demanding." Yu-huh. Girlfriend knows how to draw attention to herself, LOUDLY.

I really didn't expect it to be harder this time around, but it is. Poor Sophie, thank goodness she does such a great job of entertaining herself, though she is bored at times, watching me pace up and down the house. I try to get her to a playdate most days, and I've called a moratorium on guilt over letting her watch tv. There's only so much painting and pretend-play she can do. We've also taken away her nap, just to be able to get her to bed sooner and quicker in the midst of all the baby agony.

Poor Rosy. She is a dear, sweet baby who likes very much to be attached to my person. The ultimate sidekick. Thank goodness she came second, as I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is stage that will end. With Sophie, everything felt permanent. With Rosy I have more patience, and even a bit of love for it. She needs me deeply, and it must be that I need her too.

Raspberries

2008-07-28T22:35:00.002-05:00

Raspberries
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

A quick recap:

Rosy is one month old. A letter to her on the big blog.
She also cried for 3 hours tonight. Colic, maybe? Yep.
Otherwise she's awake all day long, cute as pie, sleeps well at night, and snuggles her sweet little head into my chest all the time. I love her lots.

Sophie still insists on me and me alone for many ridiculous things (put my bike helmet on? I want MOMMY to do it), but this seems to be the last of her annoying post-baby tics. She'll get past it. She's not had a nap for two days now- and is going to bed EARLY (bliss), and sleeping LATE (bliss). I couldn't stomach the epic bedtimes on top of the colic, so we made a big change and so far it's paying off. Thanks to my mom and sister, I managed some great "special" time with her today. 50 jumps into the pool later, I was reminded of how easy last summer was in comparison to this one.

Wow, two is hard. They are lucky I love them so much. Just about as lucky as me.

Sunny Zoo

2008-07-25T21:26:00.001-05:00

Sunny Zoo
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

My mother pointed out that all the Sophie pics of late are either of her sleeping or naked. Here's a better one. Another good one on Flickr- and some Rosy. I'd tell you about our day, which was good, but I'm still recovering from an eventful bedtime. In a few words- both girls need me, and only me.

Rosy Plots

2008-07-24T14:02:00.001-05:00

Rosy Plots
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Planning her next move. Holy moley she didn't sleep yesterday. Two short naps. Maybe two hours total, from 7am to 7pm. Killing me and my back. She did sleep through from 10:30 until almost 4AM, so there is a payoff. And I got to put Sophie to bed, uninterrupted. Bliss for us both, until Project Runway started and she was still tossing.

Rosy Roo

2008-07-22T13:12:00.002-05:00

Rosy Roo
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

A blog on the big blog.

Two on the Stool

2008-07-21T12:50:00.002-05:00

Two on the Stool
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Baby playdate! A pic of the baby siblings is on Flickr. My friend Diana had her baby two days before we did. We have seen them a few times this week, and it is always a sanity-saver to dish on the challenges of two with someone who's right in the thick of it. Escalating anger, frustration, asking you to put the baby down, being angry ourselves . . . Tabitha seems to be more mellow than our Rosy, but they both gave us a good nap and some time to paint and snack and play with the two biggers. Sophie is still learning to share and to manage her own anger, but she warmed up (after a trip upstairs) and the morning ended really well.

Friends are really nice to have, both here and far away. One of my closest friends whom I met in college also had a baby in June, and emailed me yesterday to tell about one of her worst days with Jack. Commiseration is always nice.

Slinging

2008-07-19T21:31:00.001-05:00

Slinging
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

I'm adding whole-wheat bread to Rosy's no-go food list. Acidic things, dairy things, and anything hard to digest (wheat, broccoli, etc) seem to bug her. Like I said on Flickr, I think a big part of the evening fussiness is exhaustion, along with incompleteness (I'm a firm believer in the fourth-trimester theory) and growing (who grows this fast??). But if my diet is ok, she sleeps better all day long and then has some reserves to deal with it at 7:00. Tonight she was great for John when I went upstairs to put a wailing, tantruming Sophie to bed. Is it possible to have colic at 2 years? Kidding. Like I told John, we have been blessed beyond belief with Sophie's behavior for the past 2 years. She's regressed a bit, but also spent all day today playing independently, being her old self, so I'll take the bad with all the good.

Little Mama

2008-07-18T21:39:00.001-05:00

Little Mama
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Zoo had a good day. We've been struggling with meltdowns and crying (hmm . . baby cries, gets Mama, so if I cry . . . ) but hit a happy stride today. When she started whining miserably this morning, I simply removed her from the room and put her in her book sanctuary bedroom, where she read and gathered some composure for the day. Not so much a punishment, as a bit of space. It worked well and thank god.

She was a trooper through crazy colicky evening with baby, bringing me things to help Rosy feel better, taking a long bath, letting John read her bedtime stories. I'm off to shop for a Moby wrap, as Rosy spent almost all day attached to me and if this continues (and I can see that it will), I'm going to need some more babywearing options. Sophie asked me to put her penguins in my sling today, so I reminded her that she had a sling of her own. She was thrilled to carry them, and then asked me to nurse them all. Her words were, "I need you to help with the babies." Turns out she was the daddy penguin.

Whatever works.

Happy Baby

2008-07-17T13:55:00.001-05:00

Happy Baby
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Happy about something today. I think we went a record 7 hours without spit-up. Big deal for tiny Rose.

She had me up from 3-4:30 last night. I'd forgotten how that feels, she's spoiled me so rotten. Sophie was up too, probably due to the noise. We're going to experiment with room arrangements for a while to get Sophie back sleeping through the night. She does love Rosy and really really hates to hear her cry. It puts her on edge, like a little mama. Thankfully we don't take long drives or she might be traumatized for life . . . still adjusting, working through some storms directed at John, as he's picking up my slack with her, and it's only me she wants sometimes. She was doing the same thing with my mom before she left. I wish I had the answers for her, but structure and reassurance and time seem to be all we've got to give.

Crossed hands

2008-07-16T13:48:00.001-05:00

Crossed hands
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Busy days, just slowing down . . . took a walk to the park today and it was so nice to be able to walk with abandon- fast and hot and sweaty! Fighting mightily with food issues, trying to figure out what causes the fussy times that coincide with bedtime (for Sophie). But we soldier on and know that soon it will pass, just as Sophie will adjust and in a matter of weeks we won't be able to remember our lives without her.

Naptime Today

2008-07-14T13:13:00.001-05:00

Naptime Today
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

More on Flickr.

I'm desperate to eat a bite before they both wake up. But man I love it when they fall asleep together. Rosy has hit a nice stride in her routine. Awake in the morning, naps, eats lunch, goes to sleep while I get Sophie to nap, naps in the afternoon, awake for a few hours around dinner time. Then down for the count, some boob-visits in the wee hours. Things have DRASTICALLY improved since offering one breast per feeding and cutting dairy almost completely out of my diet. She's keeping it down, less gassy, pooping like a professional baby. Normalizing . . . crazy how similar these experiences have been to my early days with Sophie's digestion. I really expected them to be so different, and they're just not!

Naptime

2008-07-13T12:18:00.002-05:00

Naptime
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

The godfather is here!
We asked our dear friends Frans and Iris to be Rosy's godparents, just as John is godfather to their youngest son. And what do you know- Franjo had a meeting in Atlanta this coming week and decided to come and see us for a few days, all the way from Bavaria. We are thrilled to have him, Sophie most of all. She is already learning her German ("Danke, Franjo!") and we spent the morning visiting and playing.

Sophie was the uber-trooper last night, as I piloted the bedtime ship alone for the first time. Rosy had been up for hours and was absolutely exhausted, so Sophie had to bear with her crying and my shushing (Harvey Karp does work, btw) just as her light was turned off. She settled in and twirled my hair while I bounced and shushed and prayed that she'd be asleep before the men returned from the airport. It worked. She's been playing by herself, sneaking off to read, showing some pre-Rosy behaviors that make me feel like finally things are returning to a normal rhythm.

On the flipside, if your baby eats every 2 hours all day, catnaps, then is up for the evening, chances are she'll sleep for 5 hours at night and you.will.too. Loving me some Rosy.

Morning Girls

2008-07-12T13:20:00.001-05:00

Morning Girls
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Casual in these parts. Naked and half-naked babies watching PBS in the morning.

Rosy has been more settled lately- no dairy, very little coffee, still having greenish poops, which means she's reacting to something I'm eating and I can't quite put a finger on it. It could still be the dairy, so time will tell . . . got some good camaraderie from Flickr friends about the overfeeding, which makes me feel better. That it will pass, and it is normal.

Sophie is picking battles with John, which is unfortunate because he is working so hard to help. Acting out with tantrumy crying, which drives us both up the wall. But she knows it won't work with us, so we stand firm and hold the line. Most days. She clearly resents the interruptions in her routines, for baby changes and baby feedings, but with Rosy sleeping better in the day, we've had a bit more time to mend the fences, which has been nice.

Blah blah mommy blogging. Sophie was playing "PIngu" (penguins) today and had a baby penguin in an egg that needed to hatch. She called "Laura Pingu" on the phone (our midwife). It's the ultimate compliment, to appear in one of her games.

First Sink Bath

2008-07-11T14:18:00.001-05:00

First Sink Bath
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Just a quick note to say we're still here. The crazy spit-up monster seems to have finally been tamed by the right binky. I've tried three varieties and the Nuk latex one with the funky nipple is what she was waiting for. Thank god. The Mt. Vesuvius end to every feeding was making me a bit crazy.

Yesterday we saw Laura for our two-week visit, and talked more about her new motorcycle than anything else. I love her. I especially love that she offered to do our six-week visit at out house, saving us a drive to Hollywood with the banshees (they were good, really, we were the stressed ones). Maybe she'll come in her biker gear.

Sophie's working hard, pushing limits, learning to share me, but has generally been a wonderful sister. She laughs at Rosy and hugs her just out of warmth and concern. I'll take the brunt of her acting out anyday, if the result is an empathy for sister. She's also fascinated by Rosy's bodily functions (did she make the make-up? (throw-up)), and told Laura yesterday that when she grows up, she wants to be a doctor. I guess midwife is off the table.

For now.

Sleepy

2008-07-09T10:47:00.001-05:00

Sleepy
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

The only way she falls asleep is nuzzled up to boob. I'm having to introduce a pacifier, just to keep her from overfeeding, as she'd have me in her mouth all.the.time. The spit-up is out of control.

Skeptical

2008-07-06T20:35:00.002-05:00

Skeptical
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Just a few words to say how impressed I am with Rosy. The first night I had visions of history repeating itself, with an awake baby by night, but she has since settled down into a routine that would make any new mom happy. She has a long wakeful period in the early evening, then sleeps in 3-4 hour stretches until 6am (I swaddle her at night and it seems to help). She does a long awake stretch in the morning, then catnaps and eats every two hours for most of the day. She has some time in the sling, poops with every feeding, pees through diaper after diaper. She's a really agreeable companion, really good at being a baby. At least for now. John jokes about her long fingers and serious stares- that she's busy wooing us into her ways and will soon show her true colors. But for now she's a sweet snuggly soft thing, finally breaking through the jaundice, and I must admit I love that she already melts into my arms when she's sleepy, something she won't readily do for anyone else. She's my Rosy, my precious pea.

Decorating

2008-07-05T20:25:00.001-05:00

Decorating
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

One for Zoo today:

John told Sophie that this was America's birthday. She insisted that we make a cake. It was a good way for us to spend "our time" together, though I don't know how much of the concept she grasps. She woke up from her nap and told me America was coming over, with Santa Claus.

Hmm.

a Rosy letter on the big blog.

Sisters

2008-07-04T17:45:00.000-05:00

Sisters
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

It's been a really hard day for Sophie, but never is the anxiety or weirdness directed towards Rosy. She's fascinated. Weirdest new-baby regression so far: drinking soymilk and then spitting it out, all over herself. Spit up, just like her boob-eating sister. Poor Rosy, I'm overflowing like a drinking fountain. She barely has to suck, she;s getting such a whoosh. I hope the coconuts adjust soon.

Birth Story

2008-07-04T10:51:00.002-05:00

Coming In For a Kiss
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Here's the Full Story, top to bottom, not in three parts- I'm copying it into Rosy's baby book.

It should be duly noted that I had contractions, sometimes 7 minutes apart, for a full week before Rosy was finally born. At our 38 week visit with Laura, our midwife, we asked Sophie when the baby was going to come. "Maybe on Thursday."
Laura: "Today, Thursday or next Thursday?"
Zoo: "Mmm, maybe next Thursday."
Laura said, in her own rye way, "I'll pencil you in."

The next day we visited our good friends and much to my surprise, they started dismantling their co-sleeper and put it in our car, somehow convinced we'd need it soon. I blame them for starting it all. On the way home I stopped at the supermarket for dinner and started contracting like a crazy charley horse. I managed to grab good beer, which we drank in hopes of seeing where the cramps might go. Fifteen minutes apart, not too intense, but enough to make you say Hmmm.

Saturday they ramped up again like clockwork, got to about 15 minutes apart, then chilled for the evening. My parents came down on Sunday, giving me a much-needed break from parent duties, as John was suffering through the worst of our Plague disease (Sophie and I had been sick for 2 weeks by this point). On Monday they got so intense we did a dilation check (1 cm, but "ready") and walked around the mall, had a beer, no love. I was beginning to think I wanted it to be more than it really was. False starts. But every day, the same ramping up in uncomfortableness. They started to come closer together. They would peak at a certain point in the day and then die away. I got the same full feeling in my ears that I had just before nursing Sophie.

On Thursday we saw Laura again. 3cm, so progress was being made, albeit slowly. She stripped my membranes, gave us tips for "making oneself more uncomfortable" (btw, we tried every natural induction method under the sun- ALL of them, sometimes in combination and sometimes in the car). We went to a different mall, bought the girls matching PJs, ate a really delicious Cuban meal and came home. I contracted all.night.long.

Friday started like all the other days. Coffee. Contractions. With one addition. Castor oil.

Oh the stuff is so gross. I used it with Sophie, as my blood pressure was creeping up and I'd been threatened with a real induction if things didn't happen on their own. After much trial and error my advice is to mix it with root beer or soda, hold your nose, drink, and then chase it well. I think I took about three ounces, which worked well. Well enough to get me contracting, but not so well that I was losing my insides at the same time. I had no appetite, was pacing around, rubbing my belly out of some weird instinct. Things started to get intense in the early afternoon. Contractions that made me wince just a bit. My friend who'd just survived her own induction ordeal in Key West (welcome, Tabitha!) dropped by with more castor oil (in case) and some black and blue cohosh. I took a drop of the black cohosh, and who knows if it was that, or seeing Tabitha's beautiful little newborn head, or the castor oil alone, but suddenly labor never looked back. Thank god.

I called Laura and we headed up to her house, halfway to the birth center. We managed a conversation on that drive and perhaps that was what she was waiting for. We chose her name, finally. We had tossed Lillian around but somehow mis-communicated about how much we both liked it. She'd been Stella the previous week, Harper, Fiona, at other times. Now I can't imagine her as anything but our "Lily Rose," as Sophie calls her.

I didn't want to stop at Laura's, I was so uncomfortable (a theme of ours) by the time we got to South Miami. Unfortunately it was rush hour, and if I was more than 5 centimeters dilated, we'd be having the baby at her house. We're blessed that her best friend is another midwife, Miriam, who also practices at our birth center. They were hanging out, up to no good, so had it happened there, we'd have been okay. Turns out we were at 4 centimeters, progressing just enough for her to buy my story of "real" labor. She sent us up to the birth center with orders for uncomfortableness. It felt like as soon as we stepped back in the car, things took off. Hard core. It was the longest hour I've ever spent, and probably will ever spend in a moving vehicle.

Poor John. When we drove past the hospital where Sophie was born, we have a ritual of saying Happy Birthday to the new babies. He was dutifully fulfilling this obligation and I nearly bit his head off. Radiohead was on. "In Rainbows" will forever be the CD of moaning contractions. It must have helped John to time them, 3 minutes apart, and once he reminded me that I'd have one in 30 seconds. They were at that point where as one starts, the fear of God sets in and it was all I could do to keep it together and not panic through the peak. There was this ever-increasing moan/scream through each one, followed by relatively lucid conversation in the lulls. I swear, nature is awesome. Were it not for those gaps, those breaks for a moment's peace and time to relax, I'd have lost my mind. Somewhere driving into Hollywood I said how much I appreciated my parents coming down and keeping Sophie for this. To have had her in the car for that would have forever tainted her, I'm convinced.

At the birth center I was in the tub within minutes. It worked for only so long, then we walked, leaned on counters, I had John pressing my hips as they started to ache miserably (and we found out why). Laura checked me early on and we were at 8 centimeters. I said something like, "That's great f'ing news. (sorry mom)" But after our bout with Sophie, with all that pain and then something like 3cm dilation, I knew we could finish this. We started joking that we'd get to sleep that night (don't ever do that), fully dilated by 8pm. Transition was awful- just back-to-back for what felt like an eternity. I feel like they tried to have my push through it, to get her past what was a lip of cervix left. It didn't go well, so we got back in the tub and once past transition, I got a few breaks back and could close my eyes and rest. Good midwives, they were, to let me have that time.

The real theme of Rosy's birth was patience. Patience through that week, on our part, and patience through the dramatics on Laura and Miriam's part. In hindsight, they were godsends in that regard. No impatient person should attempt a natural birth for themselves, or attend one as a midwife. It just wouldn't work. That's why we don't do them in hospitals often. Impatient places, those hospitals. Just when we thought Rosy was almost here, the fun began. We pushed for two solid, intense, agonizing hours. I was exhausted when we started. She was stuck on the lip of the cervix, she was stuck on the spines of my pelvis. At some point we got out of the tub and they realized that she was descending at a slightly diagonal angle- not straight on, which is why my hip ached. She also had her hand in her mouth (we discovered later), which explained the getting stuck. There’s nothing streamlined about a diagonally-descending, thumb-sucking baby. We tried every damn position under the sun. Sitting, squatting, standing, lying, side lying, everything. The last inch was excruciating, just as it had been with Sophie. I think by the time she was born, Miriam was pulling on her head, stretching me. Laura was pushing on her rump (all of Laura on me). Vanessa, the student midwife, was monitoring her almost continuously (and thankfully, she was always a champ). But baby girl needed to be born. So badly.

Somehow she showed up to the party. I was fully convinced that I had run out of gas and couldn't make it happen. There were these lulls between pushes where Laura and Miriam conferred (and I didn't look at their faces, not wanting to see the apprehension) and I would start to panic just a bit. Only because it seemed harder than it should have been. But never did they say anything but supportive things. When she got close they made me feel her head and that was everything to me. As she finally came, John said, "I see her forehead!!" and I summoned every bit of energy from every muscle in my body. I knew how good it would feel to have it over. And it did. It felt better than that.

It was again, that incredible sense of disbelief that something so alive and HUGE and perfect could emerge from you. She was gorgeous and squeaky and covered in gore. She didn't scream, she just took it in and grumbled about the junk in her nose. She nursed almost immediately. It was heaven.

I'd finish tonight, but she's waking up and there is SO much more to tell, as we had another 2 hours before that last forgotten stage of labor had passed- the placenta from hell. But never have I loved five people more than on June 27 at 10:06PM. Rosy, Vanessa, Miriam, Laura, and my dear husband who was at my right shoulder the whole time. I can't imagine watching someone go through that insanity, and he did, and never said a negative thing. Even if it wasn't her forehead- it was the top of her head. Whatever, it worked.

To make a long gorey story short, expelling the placenta turned out to be nearly as ridiculous and trying as birthing the baby it was once attached to. We cut the cord, we pushed, we nursed the baby again and again trying to get crampy enough to expel it, we tried Pitocin (so ironic that we managed to avoid it during labor, but here we were . . .). At some point Laura had me trying to convince myself that I didn't need the thing, like some Jedi placenta mind trick. She went in after it, no dice. Most hospitals would have had me in an operating room long before I was finally able to summon whatever energy was left and push the second baby out.

As it turned out, the thing was formed in some ridiculous rare way, causing it to be bigger, and attach in more places than most.. There was some talk of it having two lobes, whatever that means. It was wonky, and it went out of its way to redefine the fourth stage of labor. Never again. Never ever again. Without patient midwives, it could have been a nightmare. Thankfully the distraction of a beautiful baby made it less awful, for me.

So Rosy is special. She made her special exit, and her special placenta took its grand time making its way into the biohazard bag. The midwives were so impressed with it, they took pictures. Thankfully I never lost blood pressure, lest they had to take more emergent measures.

The tale had a happy ending. Finally able to move around, Laura took care of me like I was her own sister. Rather than be rushed out of a birthing suite at 4AM, like we were with Sophie, we rested and recuperated at our own pace. John bought everyone dinner. Baby checked out perfectly and got dolled up in her whale suit and hat. And just over seven hours after arriving, we drove away with a gorgeous girl. My parents got to hold their hours-old grandbaby, and I got to sleep in my own bed. Birth centers rule.

Sophie woke up in the morning and heard this bizarre new sound, like a kitten whimpering in our bed. John told her that Rosy was here, would she like to see Rosy? She didn't quite grasp what he was saying and said "No Daddy, maybe tomorrow." Just like me, I'm sure she was beginning to think we were making all of this up. To see her, even now, is like a dream.
The birth center called yesterday to ask if I wanted the placenta freeze-dried and made into capsules. I understand the rationale behind this procedure, but after two hours of begging my body to be rid of it, I felt a bit wary of reintroducing the crazy thing. Laura and John and I had a good laugh over it.

The long and short of this story- I'm SO glad we chose to have Rosy outside the hospital. But much to my surprise, her birth was at least as intense as Sophie's. In fact, way more intense, because I was so goshdarn aware of every little thing, every little problem and hiccup. The flipside, I was so much more aware of the joy of holding her and seeing her nurse right away. She was super-alert from the start and continues to seem much more organized and lucid than I imagined she would be. As my dad said, "It's all that organic birth!"

I'll also say, for us, there was a marked difference between having a midwife in the hospital, as we did with Sophie, and choosing a midwife outside the hospital. We were able to really cultivate a relationship with Laura, have appointments at her house, have her come down here this past week to see us. She is truly a friend and treated all of us with such respect before, during, and after the birth ordeal. John asked her on Sunday if this was an unusually difficult delivery and very honestly she said, “Yes it was.” After two of those, I feel doubly blessed to have my girls. I am so glad to be on the other side; that tomorrow I won't wake up and chug 3 ounces of castor oil. Instead, I am off to tuck myself in bed, next to my beautiful teeny-weeny girl. Lillian Rose, born on my dear grandmother's birthday, like it was meant to be.

Love Her

2008-07-03T10:36:00.002-05:00

Love Her
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Parts one and two of the birth story are up on the big blog. I will finish it tonight, baby and toddler-willing. Zoo has had a hard morning but is unwinding with Goonie. We have had some exceptionally fun meals, provided by other people! I will forever associate Rosy's first week with Sophie eating smoked fish dip and jalapeno cheese dip, both with a spoon, naked at the table. Rosy has been a dream, sleeping long stretches at night, pooping well, peeing like a racehorse. Good babies are much appreciated when toddlers are adjusting to sisterhood.

Sisters

2008-07-01T15:25:00.001-05:00

Sisters
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

I keep looking for a lucid moment in which I shouldn't be sleeping, or nursing, and haven't quite happened on one in which to post. But all is well. Very well. Feeling good physically, loving my mother for helping keep the house in order while John and I sleep off the inevitable early morning/late night with two. Sophie is doing about as well as we could have expected. Some exhaustion and resistance to the change in routine, but having John available to her all the time is a big plus (for everyone), as he can take over the bedtime when Rosy needs me. We've tried to show her all the affection and love we can give her, and involve her as much as she wants to be involved. She "skedaddles" when Rosy cries (her words) and has this strange attachment to Donald Duck on YouTube as a comfort thing. Whatever works.

Rosy has been a dream so far. She nurses like a champ, is busy flushing out the inevitable bilirubin, sleeping well, cries only when her beloved boob is denied momentarily. She grunts and squeaks and her eyes get super wide when nursing is imminent. She is busy searching for her fingers and spends her awake time communicating with her people on whatever blessed planet she came from. We love her intensely and after all that passed on Friday (details to come), we feel even more blessed to have such a beautiful healthy outcome to this story. She is magic.

Lillian Rose Landrum

2008-06-28T09:05:00.001-05:00

Lillian Rose Landrum
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

7lbs., 13.5 ounces
19 inches long
10:06 PM, June 27

Born on my late grandmother's birthday, name for her great-great aunt Lil. But you can call her Rosy. We're all healthy and happy and HOME!!! More pics and story later.

Redux

2008-06-25T05:37:00.003-05:00

Redux
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

She hasn't played this game for many months-

Still pregnant, though just barely. Going on Day Six of contractions ever 10 minutes. I'm in disbelief.

Thank god my parents are here for moral support and distraction. John has contracted a mutant version of The Plague and sounds like one of those walking noses in the cold commercials. Or the Mucinex Monster. Poor guy. With them here he can rest and I can continue to dwell on my cramping legs and dwindling belief that there really is an end in sight.

It's not that bad, but I assure you, though Goonie and JoePop wish there was a second granddaughter here to play with, this late pregnancy visit is in fact when they're needed the most.

Still here

2008-06-23T13:07:00.001-05:00

All Weekend Long
Originally uploaded by ellenjohnrubicon.

Early labor started Friday afternoon in the supermarket. It's still going. It's Monday. Contractions every 10 minutes, hoping they continue. My folks are here for Sophie, and what a gift they have been.

A pic of big sis on Flickr- just click on the numbers.